Fluid Relationship May 26, 2010
Posted by bodhidude in : Relationship, articles , 6comments
As I’ve walked my spiritual path over the last few years I’ve let go of many aspects of my identity and the ways I had habitually defined myself. The question - Who am I? - is a key spiritual question which can be a conduit for accessing our true nature which is beyond all labels. My core spiritual practice is cultivating presence/awareness and in that space introducing the question Who am I which is an inquiry into the nature of the self. In letting go of many of my labels including ones associated with spiritual beliefs, career and relationship I’ve found that I’ve become much more free to respond to situations in the moment in surprising ways. Surprising because my responses are so spontaneous and don’t necessarily fit into my ideas about how I behave. Without such a rigid definition of who I am I can more easily step into roles, activities and ways of relating to people which would not have been possible before because my beliefs about who I am would limit the possibilities. This has opened a new world of unlimited adventure and experience and while it is often scary not to have the familiar backdrop of the old identity I feel far more alive than ever before.
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Romantic relationship in the new paradigm May 28, 2009
Posted by bodhidude in : Psychology, Relationship, Transformation, articles , 2comments
We are living in transformative times there is no question about it. It seems almost everything on an external as well as internal level is undergoing radical change these days. This is an exciting, powerful and often painful process to be involved in but the potential is amazing. Many of the structures from the old paradigm including government, religion, financial and social are beginning to crumble, the weight of their dysfunction finally beginning to overpower their momentum. As these old structures break down it is important for us to engage a creative process collectively to form new systems to take their place. New systems that reflect a new era and a different level of conscious and that redefine boundaries that reflect the next level of growth we are entering into as a society.
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Service March 11, 2009
Posted by bodhidude in : Community, Relationship, Spirituality, Transformation , 2comments
I’ve been working more lately with what it means to offer service, well really with what service actually means for me in practice. Service is a major part of my spiritual practice not only as a means of expressing my connection with others but also to express my gratitude for the incredible gifts I’ve received in my life and to give some of that back while reducing self-centeredness. I really had a limited idea of service up until recently imagining that it had to be some clear fixed activity that was labeled service and offered as such, something like volunteering for a charity or spiritual organization.
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Living in community and exploration April 12, 2008
Posted by bodhidude in : Community, Relationship , add a commentFor most of my life I’ve either lived alone or with a partner but for the last several years I’ve felt a draw to live in community but haven’t been able to let go of my comfort zone until now. However what I’m finding is that I’m not sure I really know what it means to live in community from an experiential perspective. I feel a pull to share resources, connect with people in an intimate way and co-create a shared vision together. On the other hand I have tended to be a very private person who really enjoys time alone. The question becomes is there a middle ground between these two poles. I believe there is but its an interesting process of discovering that middle ground.
Currently I’m living in a community house with some very wonderful people whom I haven’t had much of a chance to get to know yet. The vibe at this place is very open and grounding and that feels really good with where I’m at right now. Its going to be interesting to see to what degree I fit in and connect with the space and the community here. Its a bit of an experiment and that seems to be where I’m at right now, in an experimental and exploratory phase. I’m not sure where its going to lead but it seems my difficulty right now is directly related to the degree that I grasp at things being settled and stable. The reality is that they are not and when I’m able to embrace that things begin to feel powerful and open and ok until the grasping returns.
The real challenge is letting go of grasping and realizing there is nothing to hold onto. Damn that is hard to do at times, the pull to grasp, solidify and need things to be the way I’m used to is sneaky in the way it creeps in and powerfully frightening when its fully activated. I’ve put myself in a situation where I have no choice but to let go because I have released most of what I was using for my sense of security. At a deeper level I know that community living is the right path both for me personally and for the future of our society and planet but I just don’t know what that will look like for me or how it will manifest yet. The process is certainly moving forward in any case……
Experience with the Divine Feminine March 5, 2007
Posted by bodhidude in : Divine Feminine, Relationship, Spirituality , 1 comment so far
I just had one of the most amazing transformative weekends of my life. My partner and I felt a draw to leave the city on Saturday morning, we didn’t know where we were going, well we usually don’t because we try to just flow with the magic of the moment. We ended up renting a car and packing up a bunch of stuff and heading to the coast. We spent the day exploring and walking on the beach and smelling flowers and connecting and being present. That night we ended up renting a room on the Oregon coast right on the beach with the waves crashing outside our door.
I didn’t have any inclination on a conscious level of the experience I was about to go through that night. Quite a few factors ended up coming together to create a transformative experience for me (and my partner). There were several powerful forces present that night all of which represented the divine feminine or the energy of the Goddess to me. We were at the ocean, it was a full moon and I was with my partner (who is a woman and was in her time of the month). Additionally we brought some mushrooms with us and decided to open ourselves to the natural energy of that plant teacher as well. When we took the mushrooms my partner went into a blissful state and immediately seemed to embody the Goddess. I on the other hand was immediately agitated and overwhelmed by the energy present and trying very hard to resist it. I felt disconnected from my partner and in a different world which was initially alarming because I envisioned us connecting in a blissful way for the evening so I had a bit of an agenda. I felt all this feminine energy flowing into me and it was terrifying at first because I was unable to resist or control it. I finally had to leave the room and my blissful partner who tried to help me but realized she couldn’t do so by doing anything except holding space. In that moment she seemed like an enlightened being and I was blown away by that.
I ran outside and down to the ocean under the full moon in the middle of the night and felt like I was loosing my mind. I fought with the great mother running up and down the beach and cursing the waves until I wore myself out and collapsed. Then I took off my clothes and entered the freezing ocean which felt shockingly purifying. This experience broke me down enough to be able to go back up to the room and let go. I collapsed on the floor and was able to reconnect with my partner. As we lay on the floor together in front of a fire without speaking she placed her forehead against mine and channeled the divine feminine which completely infused my being. All my resistances and defenses were completely broken down and I felt unable to move. I began to cry as I surrendered to this nurturing energy of love and acceptance. We hardly spoke the whole night as we were in a place beyond words. Later we made love and it felt as if I was communing with the divine, no words can do this justice.
The next morning I felt like a new person in a way and realized I would not be the same after this experience. I feel more open to the great mother and the earth and feel my intimate connection to the divine in this way. My partner shared some of her experience which in many ways echoed mine but most of it lay beyond words and we share a deep knowing around that. We stayed on the coast for another night integrating the experience and sleeping in the natural energy of the woods.
Connecting without labels November 11, 2006
Posted by bodhidude in : Community, Relationship , add a commentThere are so many damn labels associated with love and relationships and I’m really getting tired of them mostly because they seem to solidify a connection before it ever really develops. I find that I want to connect without so many labels but there seems to be such a tendency to want to assign certain labels to people from the outset. Are you mono or poly? Are you into kink? What are you looking for: LTR, FWB, friends only? And on and on. The thing for me is that I don’t identify with any of these things overall. They take shape based on the connection and the person I am relating to. I might meet someone and just be friends or it might feel right to be somewhat physically intimate or just emotionally intimate or maybe the connection is so strong we want to be in a monogamous committed relationship but I don’t know that until I get there. My intention in meeting women is to be open and see them for who they are and see what naturally unfolds and allow it to progress in whatever direction the connection takes it without expectations or attachment. That seems so simple and yet so hard to actualize. Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, I’m in a place of redefining my relationship to relationship so its a bit confusing……..