Archive for September, 2010

Fully engaged relationship

Wednesday, September 15th, 2010

In my process of letting go of old patterns and stepping into a new life of fully engaged living I’m finding that I’m having to start from scratch in many areas, especially relationship. This is because the way I have been in relationship in the past no longer serves me as it was very much about attachment and getting needs met. Now that I am letting go of that and more able to fulfill my needs within the door is open to a new more free and open form of relationship. I’ve been contemplating the different dimensions of relationship and how I engage them both with myself and with others and there is incredible potential to deepen each dimension if relationship can be fully engaged in a conscious way.
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Healing the masculine and feminine: A lesson in unconditional love

Monday, September 6th, 2010

Like so many others I’ve struggled with relationships my entire life. With my partners I’ve experienced the greatest bliss and the greatest pain. Part of my personal struggle with relationships has been incredible anxiety and attachment. My pattern involved becoming interested and connected with a woman and growing more anxious about losing the connection the closer we got resulting in a fear of intimacy. The anxiety and fear of loss would be so intense at times it would almost reach the level of a panic attack. It felt as if holding onto my lover or partner was a matter of survival. That there was something I desperately needed from them in order to be ok and at peace. And yet I could never seem to get it, I would still feel anxious and upset and eventually the relationship would end and I’d be left devastated only to start the process all over again. This really became a habitual pattern which was incredibly painful because I am a very passionate and loving person and relationship is important to me but I could never seem to make it work to my satisfaction.
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