How do you cope when you find your life in chaos? I’ve been experiencing increasing chaos in my life in many areas and its been interesting to notice my reaction to it. My process has involved trying to create a new livelihood so that I can create the resources I need in my life without sacrificing my heart. It has not been a easy process and the short term result has been very little money. My living situation is coming to an end this month so I’ve also had to deal with finding a new place to live with very little money. As a result my life feels like chaos, nothing stable, no stable work, no stable living space and no stable peace of mind.
Throughout this period I’ve noticed my reaction to the chaos and interestingly it has been to make it worse. Not intentionally make it worse but I realized that the more chaotic my life became the more fearful and negative my perspective would become. The more instability I experience now the more I fear even more instability in the future. As my stress increased I would also ignore or stop doing certain things like meditation, yoga and eating well, things which reduce stress and chaos and reground me in the moment, at the very time I need them most. What I’m seeing is that there is a pattern of responding to external situations and events in a way that perpetuates them and makes them worse.
I’ve been trying to work with this by reconnecting with my meditation practice and the present moment in general and its beginning to make a big difference. When I’m grounded in the moment my chaotic life while still chaotic doesn’t seem problematic but instead more like a challenge. Seeing it as a challenge rather than a problem opens up more possibilities for dealing with it and allows my internal state to be more at peace. The interesting thing is that the shift from problem to challenge is accomplished by the utter simplicity of returning to an inner place of stillness. Basically by just stopping what I’m doing, sitting down, breathing and bringing my attention out of my mind and stories and into the immediate experience of the present moment. Sometimes this involves feeling some emotion that I’d rather avoid or maybe just reconnecting with my body and the tense state that it been in. This also brings greater clarity because I see that much of my confusion is generated by my own mind and when I let go of that and just attend to whats happening without the conceptual overlay clarity is much easier to find.
What this experience is teaching me is that no matter how chaotic and difficult the external situation seems to be there is an inner place of stillness and peace that is always there. If I can just remember to stop and allow myself to access it I can deal with the difficultly far more effectively and with far less pain. I actually find it quite freeing in the sense that I’m beginning to see that what happens really cannot stop me from being at peace, its only my reaction to it that cuts me off from the natural peace within. We can be at peace within chaos……..
Very cool blog Coke-a-nut, I totally relate to the simplicity of the in- the- moment practice vs. the suffering hell of my own conditioned mind…ahhh the great work