Now that I have left my job and chosen to pursue my heart path I am yet again directly up against the edge. One thing I always find at this edge is the fear of not being able to survive. Letting go of the world of career and work immediately brings up the fear that without that paycheck I won’t be able to survive, to eat to have shelter and clothing etc. Its ironic that making a choice to follow the heart leads to a question of survival but it shows how deeply ingrained the beliefs about security and material needs are in our society. In the old paradigm, following the heart and living in the moment is not taught to be a way to responsibly and effectively live life. Instead we are taught that we must sacrifice, struggle and make money if we want to have what we need and be ok in life, often at the expense of the heart and perhaps even our health and relationships.
If one chooses to step out of this crazy and dysfunctional perspective the first thing to be dealt with are the underlying beliefs from years of conditioning into this way of relating to livelihood. For me this has involved fear, well no lets say terror, that I will not make it that I will not survive. In uncovering these beliefs and fears it has also illuminated the degree to which the old paradigm projects well being and survival externally. We need to struggle to “find” a job, “make” money and “pursue” happiness, as if they are things we need from out there to be ok. This viewpoint is firmly fixed in materialism and completely discounts the idea that we create our reality, that external reality is a reflection of what we think, believe and feel inside. Trust in the heart, in the universe and abundance is sorely lacking. But that’s to be expected because who but a fortunate few are taught from childhood to openly feel life, to live in the present, to follow their intuition and believe in their creative power. For the rest of us its a practice of illuminating and dissolving these conditioned beliefs, feeling and releasing the emotional trauma we carry from living in lack and separation and learning to trust ourselves again and actively use our creative power not just in accepted artistic realms but in creatively dreaming up our lives as a whole. Life itself becomes the canvass.
I find that I’m compelled from a deep place to let these old ways go and realize a new way of living and being. Every time I try to do things the old way and work at an incongruent job so I can “make it” I find frustration, dissatisfaction and suffering. Living in a new way for me involves living in the moment and trusting in the universe. It involves being grateful for what I have and consciously putting my attention onto what I wish to create while seeing, believing and feeling its reality right now. It involves acceptance and surrender to what is while allowing space to feel painful emotions but not grasping onto them so they can flow and dissolve. This is not an easy practice but an essential one and one that I see almost everyone around me working on in their own way. I have a deep knowing that each of us is complete and has all the power we need to create everything necessary to live a joyous fulfilled life if we can only transcend the old patterns. Its a work in progress and a wonderful if sometimes terrifying adventure. I not only want this for myself but for everyone because its painful to see people sacrificing their hearts, the pain underneath their expressions touches my heart.
Yes yes yes! This is exactly how I feel. In fact, there are things in your entry that I didn’t even know I felt until I read them (not being taught to ‘feel life’)
I’ve been going through a very similar transition. First leaving my job, then trying to return to school only to find that they are, of course, only interested in further conditioning me to live within the economy/’culture’. I see now that it was fear that kept me from rejecting the culture completely and put me back in school as a way of delaying the inevitable…
Every time I trust in the universe I am amazed by its response. Its time I stopped struggling against this wacky culture and instead create an alternative – a life based on love, trust and abundance!
Thanks for your post – its very encouraging to know I’m not alone.
Love,
A
Love, trust and abundance……our true nature yes indeed! And rest assured that you are not alone my friend, in fact you become even less alone every day because people are beginning to wake up to this in droves, I’ve lost count of the people I’ve connected with that are going through the same thing. An awakening is taking place……..
blessings
colin