The Wandering Yogi: 2 May 26, 2008
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Over the last few weeks I’ve experienced everything from intense fear to great bliss and freedom. Its been an amazing experience to live like this for a time. What I’ve come to realize is that this process of letting go has been one of tearing down or clearing away my previous life situation. This has served two purposes. One is that is as allowed me to let go of old things and patterns that were no longer serving me and were actually obscuring my connection with being fully alive. Letting go of my life situation had given me more direct access to being, spirit, the divine or whatever you want to call it. Its amazing how much all the things, situations, roles and processes of our lives can distract us from the present moment and the core of who we truly are as well as consume our energy if we are unconsciously trying to maintain things that aren’t congruent for us anymore. The other purpose is that in deconstructing my life situation and getting back in touch with life itself I can now begin to build a new life situation, one that is much more infused with the vibrant energy of the present moment. A life situation that is less rigid and dense than before, more fluid and open, a more accurate reflection of who I truly am.
I’m now in the process of recreating my foundation, building the basics of food, shelter and other basic needs back in. Once I have reestablished my foundation I will begin to build my outer life purpose on top of it. I’ve really connected with the idea of an inner and outer purpose. My inner purpose is to awaken and become fully conscious, to practice being fully present and aware. This inner purpose now guides the outer purpose which for me is the practice of healing in the form of counseling and through other means. This phase of my life has been about getting in touch with this inner purpose and making it primary so my outer purpose can be guided by it and not the other way around. I now have the opportunity to rebuild my life from the ground up in a more conscious, more healthy, more harmonious way.
Letting go of so much and living in such a basic way has illuminated my fears, feelings of lack and highlighted how little trust I had in myself and in life. A shift in perspective from one of fear and lack to one of presence and trust completely transforms my reality making a scary threatening situation into a freeing amazing space of limitless potential. Living this way has brought consciousness to so many things that I used to take for granted. Not knowing where your next meal is going to come from really makes you appreciate it when it does come. I can say I truly appreciate every morsel of food, every place that I have been able to sleep, every bit of support and literally everything in my life at this point. I used to take so much for granted and would spend immense amounts of money with little or no consciousness and even less appreciation. Going from making $75,000 a year to $0 is a sobering experience especially when it is done by conscious choice.
I would actually recommend this process to anyone on the path of awakening. Going through it for at least a brief period illuminates attachment and fear, brings consciousness to what you seek to acquire and create and generates appreciation for what you have. It may not be necessary for everyone but it has been a powerful part of my path. Now when I rebuild my life it will be with a vastly different relationship to material things, people and everything in my life. I feel much more at peace now that I am in tune with the still place of awareness within and less at the mercy of impermanent external things and situations for my happiness.
The Wandering Yogi: 1 May 19, 2008
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Its been almost a year since I quit my job and began a process of seeking a conscious congruent means of livelihood. I’ve been letting go of things at various levels including traditional relationship and most of my material possessions. Most recently I moved out of my apartment and have been in a state of floating without a long term living situation. It was a difficult process to let go of my apartment which had been my comfort zone but I am grateful to have such a deep degree of attachment illuminated so I can release it.
I’ve decided to do a series of posts entitled the wandering yogi because thats what a friend of mine recently referred to me as due to my lack of a place to live, my roaming and my unfolding process of awakening. It is turning out to be quite an adventure and a very freeing one at that. I am heartened that so many in my community have reached out and offered me support at this time in terms of temporary places to stay, food, emotional support, car use and much more. They are all very much appreciated and loved by me. I never planed to be without a place to live but this is where my path has taken me in this moment and so I surrender to it and seek my stability, security and peace within. I am creating what I need each day in the moment and this has brought me into much more direct contact with my core being as well as my fears and resistance.
Its my intention to create a new long term place to live but until that manifests I will continue to wander and enjoy the present moment wherever my path takes me. My concern each day is simply to remain fully present, accept what is, put joyful energy into my vision and be of whatever benefit I can to others.
This truly is a beautiful dream…….
Letting go, trusting and the present moment May 5, 2008
Posted by bodhidude in : Psychology, Spirituality , add a commentAfter letting go of so many things in my life I am really in a place of recreating things at every level. What is interesting is that I’m being called to recreate my life in a totally new way. The old patterns are no longer working for me. Whenever I try to grasp at anything it almost immediately dissolves or slips away. Having let go of so much has illuminated my attachment and clinging in a big way both clinging to the things I am letting go of and trying to cling to the new things I am creating.
However fear based clinging is no longer working for me, not that it every really did it just appeared to. Now my experience reflects it immediately, whenever I’m grasping what I’m grasping at falls away quickly whether it be money, people or situations. What actually is beginning to work for me in this new phase is a three step process. The first step involves the practice of being in the present moment. When I am grounded in the present moment I am not tripping out about the future or brooding about the past. When I am in the present moment I have access to my truth or intuition, my creative power and energy and my passion. It is from this place that all things are possible and from here that I have access to limitless abundance. It is a fearless powerful rich place to be. The second step is to set conscious intentions as to what I want to create and from the grounded place of the present moment to place my attention and energy on what I seek to create. What we pay attention to is what we create. But the attention has to come from inner joy and creativity, from the present moment. The energy of the present moment is channeled into the intention and then by building that into a vision with all its glorious details the stage is set for actual physical manifestation.
The third step is dealing with things that obstruct this process like fear, doubt and lack. These negative thoughts and emotions come up because there is a habitual pattern of focusing on them. So when they come up instead of getting swept away by them which short circuits the creative process I consciously feel and acknowledge them and then let go and bring my attention back to the present moment and my vision. This becomes a process of slowly breaking the habitual pattern of fear and lack by releasing the energy behind it and continually bringing my attention back to the moment and my creative vision. I realize that each time I illuminate the process of fear and doubt and consciously bring my attention back to the present moment the pattern is weakened. Over time I know that it will be broken.