A dissolving identity April 11, 2008
Posted by bodhidude in : Psychology, Spirituality , trackback
With all the change and letting go I’ve done lately I’m starting to realize that I don’t really know who I am anymore. Many of the things that I’ve been letting go of and changing have been key parts of my identity. So this process is forcing me to redefine who I am to the core. I used to consider myself a committed partner, a computer guru, a stable firmly rooted person and a fairly cautious person but now I’m finding I am none of those things per se. I’m still interested in being in relationship but in a way that defies labels and roles. I’m still interested in computers but but I don’t work with them in the same way anymore nor do I put myself out to people as a computer person anymore, they’ve become nothing more than a tool for expression. Now that I’ve let go of my apartment (comfort zone) of 4 years and am staying in various temporary housing situations I don’t feel like a stable rooted person anymore, actually more of a floating free spirit. I’m also far more willing to experiment, take risks (conscious ones) and put myself in situations I would have never imagined in the recent past.
What I’m realizing from all of this is just how much many of these things made up my identity and put me in a box of who I thought I was. Now I feel like I don’t know who I am and that at once feels frightening and also free. Maybe I don’t need to know who I am, maybe I just am. I have less and less use for labels these days and much more use for the phrase – I don’t know. I don’t know who I am and I’m finding I’m less and less interested in the question.
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